When what you eschew happens...

In primary school, my teachers never failed to bring revision paper weeks before the Term exam. We were made to learn the same thing again and again. I was always burdened with the task of learning the most hated '2 ka table' in my second standard. Again,  I would memorize Vowels but come the new session and I would miss an I or U. My teacher would make the entire class learn it-- Revise it! I wanted to learn new things with new class. It was not before the sixth standard that new things actually became synonymous with new class. But the repetition of lessons never made sense to me. Years later, it does! 

Phew! DU Entrance happened today. And I feel relaxed- It is a temporary chhutti from the pressure of the mental rigmarole  "Oh my! I have to study!" and actually making sure that the 'Have to study; never transforms to 'Have Studied'.

The theme of this post is redundant. I have always complained about my irregularity and procrastination. And I believe I shall always be doing so. But today, in the process of the redundancy,  I have something good to elaborate.

Did you know that Acharya Valmiki's Ramayana is also known as Chaturvimshati-Saahasri-Samhita? 'चतुर्विंशतिसाहस्रीसंहिता'? Well, Yes! The term means 'composed of twenty four thousand verses!' Ramayana composed by Maharishi Valmiki has twenty four thousand verses- as many verses as there are aksharas in the Gayatri. Sadly, I should have remembered it few hours back.

The entrance question paper contained this question.  I got horribly confused between Ramayana and Mahabharata for the simplest reason that Mahabharata is known as 'ShataSahasriSamhita'- 'शतसाहस्रीसंहिता' i.e., 'the one with a hundred thousand or a lakh verses!'- Sounds similar, no?

It was an easy catch. I could have ticked the correct  answer. But I did not.
When the answer struck me, it was two hours past the moment I left the examination hall.
All in all, I am still filled with the guilt of having ticked a wrong answer when I actually knew it was wrong!

Anyway, it is done now. I can hardly do anything about it. But the one thing I could manage to learn today was why revision is indeed a human need.

I had learnt all the facts of the 'History of Laukik Samskrit Literature'. 
And till last year, I had remembered them well. But today, it was a mistake not having revised them!

We all know a lot may things. If a subject has been carved on our hearts, we well may not require re-learn it but lets face it not every subject is the one we could die for. And in each such case, Revision becomes a necessity. Consistency in revision is a must. There is some reason why after five long years of revised learning in the primary school, I remember the Alphabets so well now. Yes! Revision can do miracles. Not Rattafication but the real revision. It eventually untangles certain doubts too!

So, while I ponder over my stupidity, I take a quick break to realize that I must go and revise :)

PS: This post deals with the usual problem found with usual 'students'... usually. Others, please keep away!

Six yards of magic...

Okay! So, I am out of the Civils-not-my-cup-of-tea syndrome! Yeeah! Not talking the way I did previously! At least for a while.

As usual, I have no idea why I am writing today. I am this lost almost always. So, I really should not become an IAS officer. That really would harm the society...Okay oops oops! No IAS talks today.

I have a new feeling to share. Transition!
I never had even the slightest idea that I would study at a Women's College. Had always been in a Co-Ed school and so, boys were almost always the 'better-half ;)' of my education. And then, Under-graduation happened! As a girl, I have found myself to be one of the luckiest people to have been a part of MY college. Everything here is celebrated and enjoyed. You are loved for being yourself. And it was here only that I realised that despite the existence of many attractive and loved aspirations, being able to drape a Sari well is always a deeply-wished-dream come true!

There are different  emotions that are unique to each of the sexes. I do not know if having the first cigarette or getting a new car really excites guys but believe me! an Indian girl will always be the most pleased to wear a Sari!

Again, I cannot say it for all the girls yes, but for me, it is a subtle truth. The magic and strength of those six yards of a fabric of my choice can actually arouse the hysteria in me. I always look out for occasions that are even the least apt to sport a beautiful Sari on.
At times, I wonder if it really is the hysteria that inspires me or something else. And then once, I concluded that the rectangular fabric is not just any attire- for me, its an attire of transition
I feel the lady in me. Yes! When I drape a Sari, I feel the transition in me -- from a girl to a lady.
It makes me feel pretty ;) I realise that it is important to make one's own self feel pretty before one can expect the world to feel so about one.

So, this post stands dedicated to those multiple yards- to the magic...to the transition..

 ...ahem! I am a lady!

Why UPSC is a distant dream for me...

That a post with such a title comes a day after the announcement of the much awaited UPSC Civil Examination results should not make you think that it comes from an unsuccessful candidate.
No. Wait. I have not attempted it even once. You can take back all your consoling remarks (That you must have thought of extending to me after reading the post title) like, "Ohh..never mind. There's always a next time :P"

Clearly, I have not written the exam even once. So, failure or success in terms of UPSC Civila is still in 'distant' future. On the contrary, the aim of this write up is to share with you the 'why' of that distance!

I am a very average person. Believe me. There are certain characteristics of my existence which, if they continue to exist for long, shall erase the whatsoever little possibility of my success in the Civils.

I manage to count on the theory that every job must get candidates that have an instinctive likeness towards and natural ability to perform the job. I-A-S! Wow! I admire the job. Certainly. But the admiration does not prove my ability to handle it!

I must be mistaken in my belief. Not every civil service aspirant is a BORN civil servant. But each such aspirant does go ahead with the planning and preparation and takes the exam. But somehow, I am not convinced that I can do it without the natural inspiration.

I wish to train myself better. Yes, Yes! I will be trained (officially :) :)) once I clear the exams. But there is something that I want to achieve at a more intimate level.
I want to undergo introspection- To speak with my antahkaran before I even fill the form. Okay, you call it a philosophically lame reason. I know. It is. Let's ponder over other significant ones.

The preparation. Let's talk about general awareness.
I am more into darkness of oblivious spheres than under the sun of world
exposure. I do not get things in the first attempt. I have to work hard before I can decipher even the simplest of economic policies and international relations. What is more irritating is despite acknowledging such drawbacks, I never ever aim to work hard! - Get my point? THIS attitude is JUST not done. Is it?

Lastly, why UPSC?
Alright. I want my country to get the best and the most loyal civil servants and I know I will be able to become one, IF I succeed. BUT but but let us understand one thing- Under the effect of such waving inclinations and aspirations, it becomes difficult for me to say "It is UPSC or nothing". Moreover, I do not want to become an IAS just because clearing it at the age of 21-22 old would be so glamorous! Or maybe because my friend is also preparing for it. duh-uh!

I have some other dreams too. Not that UPSC has never been been paid heed to but just that it has only 'been' there for the sake of being.
I have chosen a language as my course at the Undergraduate level of higher education. Tell people it is a language and you have a typical set of replies -"Oh...Then you must go for teaching." "Oh..UPSC (!!) is an option" blah blah.

Teaching? I love it. Teachers form the base of the edifice of a good career. And it would be absolutely wonderful to choose this line :) Civil Service again is a nice option.
But can we for a second get out of the typical mindsets of the career options? I can definitely choose between any of these but that will never change the attitude of the people here towards language and literature! They love it- but only for leisure! Examples of Salman Rushdies and Chetan Bhagat do not help since for many, they could choose to write because they were not typical working class!

I am talking of giving it a serious touch! Taking up any of the aforementioned lines of career will nourish the roots of the stereotypes! Now again, not the entire world will be affected by my contribution to commence to think that language has good to offer even to the common man or aam aadmi. But if I do not do something at my level, I will die dissatisfied!

So, I will surely attempt the much glamorous exam of the nation- But only when I have given myself a taste of introspection and satisfaction ! I want it to be THE DESIRE for me not ONE OF THE DESIRES! -THAT will take time. Won't it?

Love..Family... And realisation :)

It feels great. To be of some use to some people. No?

When you visit a dear one who had been hospitalized not a very long time back, you have grief but when you come to know that your visit was a good reason for their seconds' pleasure, you feel great. I guess, that is why I have this wow feeling. I feel nice. I am not happy that she had to undergo so much pain. That makes my heart sink. But my visit could bring a smile on her face- what else could I have wished for her in such times?

I really really want her to 'Get Well Soon'- That is what my Card said- That is what I had wanted to say.
Some arguments happened- Not  very long ago...And I thought she must have carried them in her heart even now...Unaware that for her 'now',  worldly fights hold negligible importance- You need love...More love and only love...For when in family, Love is the highly treasured commodity- yes! Commodity...You trade it..trade it for love...only love and comfort :)

Love your family. Always. Fights are only entertainers...Important are they for they prove your being a human...BUT! .....They must not become hurdles when you are talking of..yes! Family :)