Rejections...err...opportunites!

Before the holidays began, internships and book reading were the only things on my mind. I hated reading my text books. But I had to for more than the need to write in the test, the need to be confident while writing was important. So, I did start reading before the exam season commenced.

Now, as the vacation is about to end and I am already reserved with activities for the upcoming session, I have devised a new way of life. A way that works for me at least; and for the present times :)

The introductory line of this post signals that at the beginning of my vacation, I had some internships at hand and some books to read. But believe me: I had none. As far as the former is concerned, I was rejected at every other place and company that I applied to. Every time I was rejected, I went depressed thinking about the greater loss that the company-in-discussion had just undergone: Hope they will realise it in near future :)

Jokes apart. Whatever occurred, my perseverance, persistence and penchant for work will never cease to grow. I guarantee you that.

I am sure, by the time now, you are already wondering why I wrote this or worse, why you even thought of reading this : Well, this one post is actually another thread in the inspirational-fabric I tried weaving in the previous post.

In spite of a series of rejections, I am quite at ease. I am not horrified by the whys and the whats: why only me?...what will happen to my job profile?....what will I add to my CV etc etc.Initially, I used to get devastated. But now, I am resilient.

One may define it as sheer ambition-lessness and lax-behaviour. At a time when almost every girl in my college is interning at some place and when intern ships have become more of a necessity than the hitherto called "trend", I have done none!
But with the passage of time, I have realised that it is "okaayy". I have tried to be cool.And not every cool and happy-go-lucky attitude is actually the way it is usually defined. It is not ambition lessness. It is just a way to tell myself that there is more to come.

I have realised, yes, that I do lack something that so many companies together thought of not letting me in. It needs to be heeded. I have to undergo introspection. I am thankful to God that I have realised this at this very stage that I need to improve and not after having entered some field already- I have come to know that I need to gear up!

So, all in all, I have put myself on 'think positive' mode. It is not that I do not get depressed any more; that certain things do not irritate me; that I have attained the divine status of "Stithprjya", which I would be elated to achieve BUT I have a nicer point of view now. Irritating things do not irritate me for long durations as they did earlier.

So, presently, I am working on that mode; I am sorry, this profile status does not have a 'change' button-As I said, problems can only be there; we decide whether they can continue to exist :)

Window to pleasure!

Isn't the weather lovely? Few days back, it seemed as if the monsoon had forgotten the 'soon' that it contains. Its arrival seemed impossible.
Never mind, it is here and I am enjoying it as much as you all are.

Having started with such an enthusiasm, I do not fee like emasculating  the pleasure. I am using my father's laptop for this post for I do not have one of my own. At an approximate distance of 1 metre from the the place where the laptop has been kept to be charged, is a long window. We live on the ground floor, hence, we are usually aware of the people entering our block.We see through this very window.

The residential society that I stay in, has a construction type of its own. Three blocks are connected in a circular manner. Hence, each set of such connected blocks has a common circular ground-Kids usually play here. Each block in each set is, in turn, connected to two more blocks, in the same fashion to complete another set of trio. Exception lies only in case of a few buildings whose common area was not intended to be circular. Their common area has been used to create the Central Park or the children's park. 

I just felt like describing it so that you can, to some extent, visualise how it happens- The window described above faces the common circular area of the trio to which my block belongs. The three connected buildings of this trio provide three entrance/exit-one of each building. People normally use other entrances to enter hence our trio is always quiet and submissive- It listens when you speak.Always!

There is a special kind of a pleasure in noticing people from this window-We know we can see them but they are usually not aware- and those who are, usually the married ladies, make sure that they get a quick glimpse of our room and later tell it in their friend circle- The Sinhas changed their table cloths....there is a new chair in there...Dekho ji, They even have new curtains, this time even I am going to buy some...etc etc.

Everybody understands that humans- myself included!- reside here. Hence, whenever they are pondering over something, while moving here, they don't announce what it is but being at the ground floor, I can always hear them.."hmmmm...", "this is...", "that is....", "how can......", "no, not this time...."...

This window is an interface. It gives an insight into the very basic truth of life- that every person has some problems- light or loud- but problems are there. And in fact, that I am not the person facing the trouble is the only reason why I may describe a problem as big or small for when one occurs, it usually seems to kill. There is no scale or weighing machine to measure it and rank it- a problem IS a problem!

There is one man- He seems to be in deep conversation with god or himself- he moves his fingers, at times like ACP Pradyuman( ;) ), and murmurs something to himself, again and again. This other pretty lady with her maang being accentuated by the bright vermilion sprinkled with elegance is frustrated- Says her husband has crossed the limits; (don't know what that is about)..wasn't so a year back when they liked spending time together..(secretly may be)..quietly whispers.."Before marriage, he used to be on time always...At our first anniversary, he kissed and promised to...", she turned silent. I could not hear.
Who else.....Yes, This girl, looks 16-17, in Magenta top, white shrugs and Dark blue hot pants is conversing on her Galaxy..."Yes..Yes..Me too. But I will have to lie for that..You know na...I will not be permitted..Yes yes...tomorrow at one..Ok bye...sweetu...muah!(cuts the phone)...uff this life...(her eyes get teary)..Why only me??.."
And there is a group of kids, pretending to be Policemen- shouting loud to kill any thief they might find; Thieves have ransacked the entire place..can't leave them!
This boy seems to be returning from tuition classes- "Sir was rude to me today...I will not go tomorrow"...Another small boy, (works at one of the flats) wearing a torn singlet murmurs he wants to go to school and learn- even if he faces bad teachers for he loves books and would show the world what he is..Just allow him to go to school once!

And I thought I had the worst problems in life.

In fact, I now realise, problems could be one truth of life but they are not necessarily always that painful- we make them so! our thinking and thought process have 40% share in the pain- We have total authority over that 40%! If only, we could change our thinking. It is easy.Husband not turning up on time is alright if he is busy with work- atleast, he is employed! Be happy about that. Father not allowing you for something is a thing to celebrate- You have a father who loves and cares for you and hence, is concerned. That you have a rude teacher is not always a thing to be enjoyed on the pretext that you are enrolled at some school/college, but see, he can try to be rude, but he surely does not have the authority to hurt you. You are free to choose. He is a salesman selling you bad mood- You may buy or you may not!

So, the next time I feel hurt because I have problems, I will think of the positive choices I can make and transform the sorrow to a smile, grief to grin (heh...ok its not that positive, but to change the mood, it can be used for a while..right?).
At least, I will not be one among those who are so burdened with the tiny problems that they forget to mingle with the beauty of life. I know, it is sounds kinda clichéd philosophy- But it is true and hence has been quoted at many different times to many different people to become clichéd.

So, lets pledge today and try to solve at least one problem of our lives with this attitude- After all, we must not let the problem sell us burden! Right?


Oh see...there is a small girl crying over her broken toy...seen through this window...Such a problem she has...for nobody comes here without a heart burdened with a thought that needs to be shared...hopefully, her mother will follow soon....most probably with a new toy...till then...This quiet place will hear while this little angel curses her brother for having broken the toy and her grandma for having defended the culprit!